xue: im VERY VERY VERY EXTREMELY INfatUATED!
xinky: I USED TO STROKE MY COMPUTER WHEN I WANTED IT TO WORK but that was long ago. :D MWAH sweetie pie!
melissa: AND SOMETIMES YOU GET SO SAD COS YOU CANT REACH IT TOUCH IT WHATEVER! HOW SAD IS THAT very!
yunning: *GASP* MAC AND CHEESE i want some too. :D:D we should have a sleepover and pig out all night. woohoo!
i wanted to do the.. ten things you want to say but will never say to ten different people, but realised its kinda useless in my case. they are all about the same and when i go through them in my mind, i get super depressed because i realise its all my fault.
SAD HUH i had a really lousy tuesday. terrible tuesday. pffft. started with a mind-blocking stupid a math test. then an equally irritating chinese lesson with an equally irritating teacher who insists that i predict my marks. dude. you teach CHINESE not psychic. whatever. kept wanting to sleep, ss was boring, history was mind-boggling in a bad way. LUCKY IVE RETURNED HOME!
bought a bar of cookies and cream chocolate. i thought it'd make me high but no, i'm still limp.
HIGH POINT: kerri returned today!!! :D welcomed by many many dancers. she looks positively radiant. never realised how much i missed her, my ANGEL! hawhaw.
after three years, ive gone through high points and low points in my life. the first search for popularity, to the first castaway to oblivion, to the first dao, to the first depression, to the first hated. its somehow scary the way my friendships change.
in a way, im glad, in a way i just want to cling on and never let go. sometimes i want things back where they were when we were the best of friends. but without the seperation i wouldn't have gotten to know another side of yet another precious friendship.
how long would it take for me to know that this is a give and take world? i look at things and sigh, thinking when it'd go back to where it belonged. but i realised that now it has a brand new home, away from my grasp. i cant look away and give it up. i cant fight either i have too much to lose. i just sit on the fence swaying to the breeze, hoping that a gust would come and blow me in the right direction.
i've not gotten over the fact that we were once the best of friends. now you've changed a lot, but i still love you. i wish i knew you so much better but now you have your best friends and i cant come close without bearing the consequences of being shallow and the many other insults one can give in the duration of a friendship. no i cant. that would just worsen our current condition.
no matter how you say it is, i dunno why, i cant pour my heart out like i used to be able to. it has all changed ever since that time. you like her, have found your own ways and covered your tracks. now i have to make my own all over again.
it'd let me treasure people more, but its so much more tiring.
im asking too much again, right?
dont want to forget. dont want to remember. just to be caught in limbo, and be there forever.
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