the gloom
2006-04-30 || 4:11 p.m.

chnge of layout!

xinky: if i add too many yummy pics, i'd just swallow my layout up. ((:

jiamin: )):

xue: OH YA sigh. i look so fat inside!


i officially declare my depress-ness.

yesterday, i had a very mad morning. somehow im very comical and wild when im physically around people. people that i love!!! mders!! :D and i think that used up all my energy for the day. on the bus i started getting all moody and brooding. mrs chew told me i passed in my math test and you know thats always bad when its coming from a teacher's mouth. BAH.

when i reached home, i took a nice long hot shower. but it couldn't lift my spirits. i watched the hos dvd, and i felt sad. i felt so much like dancing and dancing and dancing. felt really guilty about HOS too. i really deproved during that period of time, and it kinda hurt looking at myself. my fat fugly self. honestly. it showed so much more on camera. :S my brother is calling me AH MOON now, cos of my really round face. especially in the all coming back costume. pffft.

then my brother went out, i was all alone at home. it was alright, i just used the computer. but after i turned it off, the gloom and emptiness of the house settled in. i started walking around, aimlessly. i couldn't find chocolate, and i shouldn't. which brings me to the plate of rice sitting in front of me now. i ought to be ashamed of myself.

yea so i huddled on the piano chair, and decided to play the piano. played with more emotions than ever. felt badly like crying but my eyes were dry. only when i heard the lock of the front door click, did i drop a tear. had dinner, and i slumped on the sofa, fast asleep. estelle couldn't call cos she had a family talk with her sis. apparently my parents tried to wake me up several times to go back to my bedroom. to no avail.

this morning i woke up at 8.30. i had a really bad dream about werewolves infesting our school and nothing could stop them. mao liang liang lao shi was also one of them; bitten, hungry and bloodthirsty. apparently, even a small scratch can make you slightly infected. to survive, we had a werewolf friend scratch us and red spots appeared on our skin. we were spared. but there was a lot of blood and gore.

:S

ah well. im going to go throw this plate of food away. my family has been declaring the existance of my excess fats for far too long.
byebye paradise.

try desperately to conjure his face
try desperately to remember his every movement
try desperately to feel his presence
try desperately

again.

brilliant & ridiculous


LAST FIVE

moved! - 2006-07-08
la la dee la - 2006-07-07
happy independence day 2006 - 2006-07-04
lost it - 2006-07-03
prefunfair! - 2006-06-30

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