IM IN A FOUL MOOD AGAIN!
i just finished my math mindmap, and the geog presentation in one go. so im feeling a little dazzzed.
ties have been getting a little tight around. family is okay, but friends. :S
im in that dilemna mood again. like what did i do wrong? the jealousy pangs. sometimes, i feel stabs of frustrations but i bite them back and make myself purple in the face. after cooling down i'll realise things will be a lot tougher if i didn't control myself.
i'm controlling myself quite a lot nowadays. not healthy! and some people piss me off!
i cant write hate posts. hardehar let me attempt.
..
i just attempted and deleted them all. its hard to tell myself nowadays, especially on this blog. i dunno, i think im getting more self conscious. and thats killing me, kinda. i cant say things i want to say because i know they'll offend. perhaps im too sensitive?
sigh. and that may be why i miss dance so much nowadays. people out of the dance studio are just too hard to comprehend. i cant DO anything without pissing anyone off. and some are just plain hypocrites. and some cant pluck up the damn courage to tell you whats wrong and give you that effing LONG face.
and i find it hard to blog, because. i find that everything i type is so contradictory.
i think its useless to convey the message to people that "yes i know i do that too" without letting them think that you are plain contradicting yourself, and they start to criticize you about it. its like whenever im about to write talk type complain whatever something, a image jump to my mind showing somebody bitching about it to somebody else, twisting it into some unrecognisable form and you cant do anything because it does convey what you said, only in a more horrible tone.
why? because there'll always be people you cant please. and i dunno why i've turned into this freak that wants to please everybody. really.
its been a very frustrating term so far. head bobbings [in my direction] people pissed off schoolwork screwed etcetc.
and my back hurts.
and my 2.4 run was $%^&*( screwed.
i need a hug! i need some sunshine, i need some love.
):
i think i've been surviving too long by myself. because im starting to think that i think like a looney. i just wondered one day: why do people cry? its useless and it solves nothing.
why do I cry? then i start wondering about why i sometimes do the things i do. then i think wonder about why people do the things THEY do. how can they be so confident of everything, physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally? and im utterly ashamed of myself.
and my brain gets tangled up in this mess. and i shake it all out and go back to my normal state.
seriously, im spending too much time alone.
I NEED DANCE!!! its the only thing thats going on the right path now, PLEASE DONT TURN!
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